2009..

its not been a month since the new year has passed..and its starting to look like the beginning of a messed up year..i grew weary of blogging a while back..but i guess..it was just more like a time out for me..though i do admit i am tired of the whole colourful online persona..and that is why i decided to ditch my previous blog and go with a newer, more morose version..

honestly..i am tired..tired of being everybody's shoulder..tired of smiling through everything like an idiot..tired of everything..tired of making you happy at my own expense..there is just so much of the world's problems i can carry on my shoulders before these shoulders give way..

i have feelings and i have needs too..just because i choose not to show them or share them with you does not mean i dont feel a thing..and that you can keep unloading all your problems to me..you are not the only one with issues..all my life i have to listen to my mom nag about my dad..and then my dad nag about my mom..i get so fed up listening to the troubles of the world when my troubles stay hidden inside me..

Bryan asked me last night if i was upset..because the straight guy i liked is attached to a girl..honestly..who would not be upset..but i guess i've grown so used to it that it does not really faze me anymore..i'm always the fool when it comes to love and life..always playing the role of silly suitor..running around hoping that someday..a straight man will love me..the question i always wanted to ask is..if he loves me..would that not make him gay..and upon realising that..would it make me want to move on to the next straight guy despite him loving me..

am i just a dog running after its tail..

life tires me..

welcome to the new me..2009 edition..