are you gonna be a sinner who weeps?

man..here i am..the commuting blogger..back again..on one of my long train rides to work..i actually am glad to be at work..at least there is something there to keep me occupied and the people at work matter too..worked with my baby the past 2 days..so im happy..happy that Rob is back too..i think things will start to pick up from here on..though i must say..i think the whole new seating arrangement sucks..all high tables on the 3rd tier..totally unbalances the room..

anyway..i was talking to Nhu the other night..and also Rob the other day..bout my innate ability to fall in love with straight men..Rob and me came to a conclusion that i’m basically a straight woman trapped in a gay man’s body..which pretty much sums it..i have that strong need to find a guy who is capable of taking care of me..as opposed to me always being the one wearing the pants in a relationship..it got me thinking..fact is..its almost impossible for me to find someone to fit the bill..it would have to be someone at least of my height or taller just to even things out..im always the taller domineering one..he would also need to be someone of my age or slightly older because young boys just dont think on the same wavelength..i dont know..i guess its just easier for me to put my heart out on my sleeve and go for straight boys..cause i know where they will fall in the gender role section of the relationship..and im not even talking bout sex..im just talking bout intimacy and the relationship as a whole..

Fizah asked me why i dont endeavor to turn them straight boys around..and join the dark side..and while its a totally feasible plan..i told her my experience with David..in all honesty..it’d be too much work..and when he turns back the other way..hey..its me with fork plunged into my heart that is worn on my sleeve..too much effort..way too much..

well..for most of it..im glad i have other things to keep me occupied..so i dont have to spend my spare time pondering my fate as a 27yr old single faggot in Singapore in 2009..

oh yeah..i’m like so gonna get myself a new camera next month..hope all works out  well with my finances..then with camera in hand..i’ll be on my quest to rediscover the colours that seem to have  faded and dulled over these years..

Chalet in late march hopefully..

Bangkok in April..

Shanghai in July perhaps..

 

i was thinking..i would like to visit Goa too..haa..

 

cheers..