to where you are..

i mulled about the title of this post..and i mulled over the content of this post..

i figured if i did any more mulling..there would not be any writing done..

its amazing how your physical health is tied to your emotional health..and vice versa..in my case its the first..falling ill has brought out some deep seeded emotions..emotions i much rather not have to deal with now..or at any other point in my life..

they say clowns actually lead very sad lives..how true..i think..to go through life so bravely..laughing at every obstacle..smiling through every adversity..if only for the entertainment of the people around them..but when the make up comes off..the reality of life sets in..

desolation..its been more than a year since my last relationship..Ian looks happy now..and i am glad he found that happiness with Mark..as for Michael..last i saw..he was happy being himself..happy being around Lav and Kelly..and happy with his  job..Alex..now he is one naughty boy..for most of it..i think he loves his bf dearly..but yes..us scorpions have one thing in common..and maybe that was what made us compatible..

all my life i’ve been pretty independent..never needing much people around me..but has that been the wrong way to go for me..has my lack of dependency led me to a possible life of isolation..

its getting closer and closer to a year now since Brandon left us..and still everyday..i am reminded of him..if indeed there exists an afterlife..i wonder where he is and what he is doing now..i miss the times we hanged out together..i remember him laying his head on my tummy back in bmt..we were not allowed on our beds in the day so we’d all lie on the floor and since i was the one with the tummy..i became their pillow..i remember staying with him that one week at River Valley..going to the supermarket together..bringing Princeton for his night walks..i remember the last time i saw him conscious..in his room..weeks before i saw him lying in the hospital bed..

emo times are here to stay..

so stay tuned..